When Vin Diesel jumps in a lake he doesn’t get wet the water gets Vin.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Vin Diesel makes onions cry.
Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Vin Diesal has no hair because it is to afraid of him to grow.
When Vin Diesel does a push up, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Vin Diesel is on first name basis with Mr-T.
Vin Diesel Does not sleep. He waits.
Remember, it takes forty-four muscles for Vin Diesel to smile, but only two to destroy an orphanage.
…I never knew. These aren’t really that funny, yet I’m compelled to keep reading them.
freshly squeezed » Blog Archive » Vin Diesel Jokes
Update: If you like these, check out Chuck Norris: The Facts
Update 2: Apparently Vin Diesel has named his biceps the Kryptonics (the best jokes are the ones that write themselves)
Vin Diesel looked into a mirror and said “candyman” three times… nothing happened.
Hilimolarious
If Vin Diesel was an ice cream flavor, he’d be Mint I’ll-Smash-Your-Face-In-With-A-Shovel.
Vin Diesel doesn’t have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.
The movie Ray is loosely based on the life of Vin Diesel, only they substituted piano playing for eating toddlers, and blindness for the ability to fly.
Vin Diesel invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.
Vin Diesel can predict the shuffle on his iPod.
Most people don’t know this, but the bible actually ends with Vin Diesel showing up at the crucifixion with a pair of Uzi’s and kicking some Roman ass. Vin Diesel was all like, “Jesus, I totally saved you.” Then, off on the horizon, a bunch of Romans show up riding dinosaurs led by Mecha Pontious Pilate. Jesus busts out this sweet ninja sword and says, “Now it’s my turn to save you.” Then Jesus and Vin Diesel run towards the Romans in slow motion. That’s how the bible ends. It’s a cliff-hanger. I can’t wait for the sequel, “The Bible 2: Water…Into Blood”.
As Vin Diesel approaches zero, zero runs like a little bitch.
Vin Diesel’s daily schedule goes as follows:
– Ride dirt bike through flaming hoop and appear badass
– Do something badass
– Wake Up
– Eat something badass
– Nap
– Watch The Price is Right
– Say cool one liner
– Throw cigarette in slow motion into Gas-covered bad guy
– Sleep in pit of snakes
When Vin Diesel talks about “pumping iron,” he’s actually referring to masturbation.
I LOVE THESE JOKES THEY ROCK MY SOXS AND BY THE WAY.….….….…
ALL U GUYS SUCK
The candyman doesnt dare turn around and say vin diesel 3 times in the mirror.
Ps, Chuck Norris owns Vin diesel, however my Mum owns them both. Straight up, she’s some kinda nasty ass black girl with a black belt in shopping. Ps. she looks as scary as Rockys mum. Who by the way could own you. hard.
LoL that is Hilarious
Vin is ok .. But Haha … Chuck is the Best
WE NEED NEW JOKES BUT THEY NEED TOO BE FUNNY AND ALL U GUYS ARE JELOUS BECAUSE VIN DIESEL IS SEXY AND NONE OF U GUYS ARE.
In T-ball vin disel hit the ball out of the park his first time up but then he robbed his own home run
Vin diesel was born when pandoras box was open
Michael phelps is Vin Diesels son
Vin diesel wrote the bible
Vin disel is the real slim shady but he never stands up…because he has no legs (reason: to one up lance when he wins the tour de france)
Vin diesel is married to Harry Potter… and Draco Malfoy…neither of them know…jk…these are jokes…but they are true…or are they?.…but seriously though, vin disiel is a mexican, or a mexicant?
your all mean to vin diesel he is a wicked actor and he has really good driving skills your all just making up jokes becouse your jelous! p.s i suspect you wont be watching fast and furious 4 next year in 2009 it looks really good maybe when you stop making shitty jokes about him you can maybe take the time out to watch it!
Oi, Screw you Sarah!! Nobody here is dissing him, he’s awesome in all of his movies, so awesome he appears invincible, Hence these hilarious jokes
Vin Diesel can strangle you with a cordless phone On his Birthday, Vin Diesel Randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown at the sun LMFAO
oh i did write that last one with just sarah anyway VIN DIESAL RULES and yall just cant ack it so shuv that in your pipe and smoke it!
vin diesel can touch mc hammer
vin diesel decided to eat at mcdonalds. Unfortunately, one meal wasn’t enough. This is why we’re in an economic downfall.
Vin diesel is the reason why waldo is hiding
get a life instead of making up vin deisel jokes
Vin Diesel can smell corners.
Vin Diesel can smell what The Rock is cooking. The Rock is Vin Diesel’s personal chef.
Vin Diesel does not write books. The words simply arrange themselves out of fear.
Vin Diesel once punched a horse in the chin. It’s decendets are now known as giraffes.
If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel, it reveals his credo: “I End Lives.”
vin diesel’s blood type is rusty nails
a lot of these are just chuck norris jokes but instead vin diesal
actually chuck norris jokes came AFTER vin diesel jokes
Vin Diesel is f-ing awesome! His jokes were around before the Chuck Norris ones…which aren’t as funny
Vin Diesel jokes are way funnier than Chuck Norris Jokes…
Chuck Norris is too obvious of a target… Everyone laughs at Chuck Norris– but some people take Vin Diesel seriously. Way funnier.
Superman and The Flash had a race to the end of the universe… Vin Diesel won.
Vin Diesel doesn’t T-bag, he potato-sacks
cool stuff i hope i get to read more updates
Sientists predicted the end of the world then Vin Disel was born
Darth Vader kneels to Vin Diesel.
Once, Vin Diesel bitch-slapped a tornado.
Vin Diesel went to the South Pole, and decided to punt a football. The ozone hole has finally stopped growing.
Vin Diesel wrestled an elephant. It’s still in hiding.
Vin Diesel can find a needle in a haystack. He just walks up to the haystack, and it hands the needle to him.
Vin Diesel shaves his head with a cotton ball.
Vin Diesel has stealth capability.
Fear can smell Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel first punched somebody in 1947, when man broke the sound barrier.